Earlier this week we were asked to create a video based on the book of Job, we had 1 day to do it and only 10mins long. Here's what my group did :)
This blog started as "my life in missions" but has become what inspires me, my thoughts through lifes ups and downs, & what is God teaching me.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Hearing the beauty around us.
During the first quarter of this school, I've been blessed to work in the fields with the shepherdess on base, I'm not going to lie, its been super hard and most of the time I can't even image I'm working with sheep... I dislike animal, especially the farm kind.
But I'm not writing about sheep, rather the lady whom I work with, she was born deaf in both her ears, not too long ago she was able to have some sort of surgery and had hearing out of one ear only. As of yesterday, she was able to hear out of BOTH years.
I wish everyone could have seen her reaction to being able to hear for the first time!
She has truly blessed my heart and has brought me back to a place of remembering how privileged i am to be able to hear.
Earlier in class we were challenged to find God in nature, i went over to a sidewalk and sat half way up, trying to find something. But i remembered Thema's amazement with sound, and not too long after i began to realize how many birds there were around me, i didn't see them all but i could hear them. It soon became a game between God and I to try guess where the birds were, and how many different kinds their were, and try to guess how close or far they were away from me.
I began to wonder, if it takes me being purposeful in hearing what is around me daily, how much do I miss what God is trying to say to me on a daily bases? This was just one exercise to learn how to find God in the small things, but it has really challenged me and made me curious how much I miss him speak to me day-to-day.
Seeing Thema's reaction of being able to hear out of two ears for the first time was so powerful to me! Seeing the wonder on her face when she could hear different sounds really showed me how God created us to hear, not only so we can have communication with other but to bless us in hearing the beauty in what God has created.
But I'm not writing about sheep, rather the lady whom I work with, she was born deaf in both her ears, not too long ago she was able to have some sort of surgery and had hearing out of one ear only. As of yesterday, she was able to hear out of BOTH years.
I wish everyone could have seen her reaction to being able to hear for the first time!
She has truly blessed my heart and has brought me back to a place of remembering how privileged i am to be able to hear.
Earlier in class we were challenged to find God in nature, i went over to a sidewalk and sat half way up, trying to find something. But i remembered Thema's amazement with sound, and not too long after i began to realize how many birds there were around me, i didn't see them all but i could hear them. It soon became a game between God and I to try guess where the birds were, and how many different kinds their were, and try to guess how close or far they were away from me.
I began to wonder, if it takes me being purposeful in hearing what is around me daily, how much do I miss what God is trying to say to me on a daily bases? This was just one exercise to learn how to find God in the small things, but it has really challenged me and made me curious how much I miss him speak to me day-to-day.
Seeing Thema's reaction of being able to hear out of two ears for the first time was so powerful to me! Seeing the wonder on her face when she could hear different sounds really showed me how God created us to hear, not only so we can have communication with other but to bless us in hearing the beauty in what God has created.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Uncle John
I'm finally in Hawaii going to school at University of The Nations and loving it :)
My classes have already taught me so much when it comes to biblical history and i've started looking at the bible with whole new eyes! I didn't really want to write about that though, I haven't been feeling inspired to write or even find the time to write. When I say I have homework ALL the time I really mean it!
Today was our first full day off, went to the beach, played some volleyball and did some shopping but the best part of my night was meeting "Uncle John".
I've grown up around alcholics pretty well my whole life and enough stuff has happened to make me afraid of anyone who is drunk or drinking.
I went down to the pier with my really good friend Jen tonight and we were just sitting on the wall looking out over the ocean when some shirtless drunk Hawaiian guy somes over and starts talking to us and introduces himself as "Uncle John". Of course me being afraid of drunks and always been told that you can't trust someone when they are drinking, I'm ready to get out of there and just find a way out of the situation. (of course I don't want to appear rude though, so i'm unsure of what to do!)
Anyways, he climbs up on the wall with us and tells us how nice we are and he has some sons, that we'd make pretty good daughter-in-laws, and how his ex wife is some Indian from Washington and not the greatest person, and starts singing some James Brown...
My brainn didn't really know how to comprehend this...
But I stayed in listened to him, the best part came when he started telling us how he came to know Jesus in jail, and was quotting scripture after scripture....
I felt God whisper "My people aren't perfect but I still love them" and it was through Uncle John tonight that I'm reminded of how good God is; that he could save a jail birl, who still has his faults but speaks the word of God Boldly, to refresh a Christian girl who is going to school for Biblical Studies and give her back a passion to keep pressing into Gods Character.
And even a glimps of the redemption God is capable of.
My classes have already taught me so much when it comes to biblical history and i've started looking at the bible with whole new eyes! I didn't really want to write about that though, I haven't been feeling inspired to write or even find the time to write. When I say I have homework ALL the time I really mean it!
Today was our first full day off, went to the beach, played some volleyball and did some shopping but the best part of my night was meeting "Uncle John".
I've grown up around alcholics pretty well my whole life and enough stuff has happened to make me afraid of anyone who is drunk or drinking.
I went down to the pier with my really good friend Jen tonight and we were just sitting on the wall looking out over the ocean when some shirtless drunk Hawaiian guy somes over and starts talking to us and introduces himself as "Uncle John". Of course me being afraid of drunks and always been told that you can't trust someone when they are drinking, I'm ready to get out of there and just find a way out of the situation. (of course I don't want to appear rude though, so i'm unsure of what to do!)
Anyways, he climbs up on the wall with us and tells us how nice we are and he has some sons, that we'd make pretty good daughter-in-laws, and how his ex wife is some Indian from Washington and not the greatest person, and starts singing some James Brown...
My brainn didn't really know how to comprehend this...
But I stayed in listened to him, the best part came when he started telling us how he came to know Jesus in jail, and was quotting scripture after scripture....
I felt God whisper "My people aren't perfect but I still love them" and it was through Uncle John tonight that I'm reminded of how good God is; that he could save a jail birl, who still has his faults but speaks the word of God Boldly, to refresh a Christian girl who is going to school for Biblical Studies and give her back a passion to keep pressing into Gods Character.
And even a glimps of the redemption God is capable of.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wrong Worship
My Lovely friend Estelle just posted this video on facebook:
The next time you go to church remember you may be able to fool some people with how you worship and talk Godly but your really just fooling yourself... In the end it only matters what God sees.
Jeremiah 17:10 "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.”
Friday, September 2, 2011
For the past few years i've wanted to take Chronological School of Biblical Studies, but have been intimidated with the work load and being away from my family scares me! But spending time in Ottawa with my dear friend Synnove, God really ignited my heart for YWAM, His word and His people, I applied for the school and GOT IN!!!!
I'm needing $12 000 which doesn't incluse plane tickets! I'm still trusting Him about the laptop, camera, flash, hard drive, and even makeup! haha
So, i'm asking you to pray for me over these next 9 months, i'll be able to keep focused, i know i'll be homesick so pray for that! along with financial needs; I'm currently looking for monthly supporters and one time donations, the easiest way would probably be through paypal (will_m01@hotmail.com), or if you are with TD bank (ask for my account number).
Learn more about CSBS: http://www.uofnkona.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=101&Itemid=150&lang=en
Monday, August 29, 2011
Stuff before God.
"Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel." Phil 1:12
This is a letter Paul wrote and as I was reading it I was so excited! Here is a man that has been through WAY more than I can comprehend and here he is in a prison saying how his trials served to advance the gospel!
I realize that my life is no where near Pauls but I do feel that we (the western culture) tend to put items and objects above God. I don't think that I would realize how much my relationship was lacking, I've been given so much STUFF through out my life that I had forgotten how blessed I truly am, not saying i'm not thankful, but I am saying that I didn't realize how much i placed stuff above God.
Its funny because I was in Ottawa the other day and I felt soooo joyful, a feeling I had forgetten how much i missed. And pretty much the moment I had that back it was tested and tested hard!
Whether it be walking out of my best friends apartement because I knew I was hurting God by staying and i felt the best way to represent God was by walking away for that party.
or having my laptop, ipod, hard drive, camera and other stuff stolen out of my car, and not blaming God for not watching over my stuff. Maybe in some messed up way I needed that stuff out of my life for a little while in order to remember how much God actually loves me and how good it feels to be in constant communication with Him.
How many times has God asked me to spend time with him and i've put it off? How much dust do i let collect on my bible before i decided that him and i have some catching up to do? How many times do i talk to him just to vent and forget to ask him how he's doing?
I've had to learn this by having all this stuff just disappear.
So, i'll end with; How many times do YOU put God on the back burner? and how many times do you let stuff come inbetween you and God?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Heavenly treasures
The past few weeks i've known my dear friend Synnove has been visiting Ontario (originally from Norway, but currently living in Los Angeles) and i've wanted to hop in my car and drive to Ottawa (6 hours away). Unfortunitly it didn't look like that would be possible considering I work at a resort and this is the busiest time of the year... Until, a family reunion came to stay and they had a special contract with my boss, which required only 2 people and they'd only be working for four hours a day, thankfully i was blessed with 3 days off!
Something felt a little unsetteling... I wasn't sure of where i'd be staying, or for how long but i couldn't pass up this opportunity to be reunited with one the most truly genuin girls i know! So the next morning i hopped in my car and made the 6 hour trek and decided to also drive an extra 1.5 hours and stay with one of my very closest friends Alyssa, who lives in Hogansburg NY.
I would love to say that things went smoothly but actually it felt like everything that could go wrong went wrong:
I had trouble finding Synnove, felt way out of place at alyssa's and ended up getting a hotel, the hotel ended up being more expensive than i thought, the customs officer was horrible and took forever crossing everyone, was late leaving NY to head back to ottawa, i didn't pack enough warmer clothes, someone was very rude to my friends and myself then to find out my car was broken into and took $3000 worth of stuff; Ipod touch, laptop, external hard drive, Canon rebel xsi, new camera flash, mac makeup and brushs and a lot of smaller things.
The weird thing was is I would not call the trip "bad" or "horrible" actually I had a really fun time, it was like the highs were so high that it made up for all the inconviences of this trip and i'm so blessed that I was able to go and spend time with two girls who are both really close to my heart.
On the way home I felt bad for whoever felt they needed to break into my car and i know in my heart i forgave them and i ask god that they will come to know him and I actually felt at peace, i wasn't angry or mad but I actually hope that one day I will meet them in Heaven... I mean it sucks that I lost all of those things but i dont think i've ever felt so at peace with God.
MAN! is it weird that it took this mess of a few days to really make me appreciate how much God loves! its kind of unreal thinking... Then i got a message on facebook saying ".He can take my joy, he can take my peace he can steal from me, But the enemy cant take my PRaise!! Treasures get stored in heaven for You because of these things happening to you....you are called according to HIs purpose...YOu have been Marked, you're a target for the enemy!!!halleluyah....BIg things ahead for you...."
And I accept and agree with that! The devil stole physical things from me, things that i thought i needed, but really it brought me so much closer to God, seeing how much he loves me through this is insane! i'm not worried about how i'm going to pay for school but i'm trusting that God knows whats best for me, and if allowing my stuff to be taken away is what he feels is best... than i'm trusting in him and i'm going to do it praising the name of Jesus :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
"People see our actions, God sees why we do them"
This has been on my mind the past few weeks, I know i'm a good person, with good intentions, good values and I live a good life. Sometimes I have to wonder, how much of my good life does God see pleasing?
A huge part of me is missing Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and On Eagles Wings (OEW) because it's so easy to say focused on Christ, your surrounded in a bubble of people who all have the same passion to know God and make Him known. Knowing what breaks Gods heart and helping out whether it be through pray, giving, vulenteering etc. feels right.
Lately i've been feeling i'm losing the God intention in things, and doing things out of good intentions but sometimes those intentions feel a little obligated.
I know one thing for sure, i need to get back to a place where I can look in a mirror and see Jesus in me, radiating his light, doing things out of His love and/or brokeness.
Anyone can do good things and can help others with good intentions but how much more effective is it when you have the love of Jesus radiating through you with God intentions!... That, has power to change things eternally.
This has been on my mind the past few weeks, I know i'm a good person, with good intentions, good values and I live a good life. Sometimes I have to wonder, how much of my good life does God see pleasing?
A huge part of me is missing Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and On Eagles Wings (OEW) because it's so easy to say focused on Christ, your surrounded in a bubble of people who all have the same passion to know God and make Him known. Knowing what breaks Gods heart and helping out whether it be through pray, giving, vulenteering etc. feels right.
Lately i've been feeling i'm losing the God intention in things, and doing things out of good intentions but sometimes those intentions feel a little obligated.
I know one thing for sure, i need to get back to a place where I can look in a mirror and see Jesus in me, radiating his light, doing things out of His love and/or brokeness. Anyone can do good things and can help others with good intentions but how much more effective is it when you have the love of Jesus radiating through you with God intentions!... That, has power to change things eternally.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Focus on the Beauty
The past few night i feel asthough God has been saying "focus on the beauty"
and reminding me how much I used to enjoy finding beauty in all things.
Sunsets:
Each sunset has its own unique beauty, a beauty that will only be shared for that day, for that moment, because there will never be a sunset the same. Its like God's canvas; a painting to remind us of His creativeness and to give us a hope for a new day and brighter day. I used to look out at the sky almost evernight (no matter where i was) just to see what beautiful painting God had for me that day, it was a daily reminder of how much he loves me, us, His children.
People:
Not only in the sky can you see His workmanship but also in the people i come into contact with daily. God's creations, we are each uniquely designed, no one is the same... not now, not ever! If you think about it, EVERYONE (past and present) have their own set of finger prints, no one is the same!
Can you even image a God who loves you so much, that he designed you to be you, and no one else? We aren't a bunch of clones (if he wanted to, he could have easily done that) but he loved each one of us so much that he took time and effort into forming us to be the person we are today.
I'll finish with this: next time your having a bad day, just look up to the sky and you'll see what God can do. Or the next time someone at is driving you crazy, try to see what God sees. Find the beauty in everything he created.
and reminding me how much I used to enjoy finding beauty in all things.
Sunsets:
Each sunset has its own unique beauty, a beauty that will only be shared for that day, for that moment, because there will never be a sunset the same. Its like God's canvas; a painting to remind us of His creativeness and to give us a hope for a new day and brighter day. I used to look out at the sky almost evernight (no matter where i was) just to see what beautiful painting God had for me that day, it was a daily reminder of how much he loves me, us, His children.
People:
Not only in the sky can you see His workmanship but also in the people i come into contact with daily. God's creations, we are each uniquely designed, no one is the same... not now, not ever! If you think about it, EVERYONE (past and present) have their own set of finger prints, no one is the same!
Can you even image a God who loves you so much, that he designed you to be you, and no one else? We aren't a bunch of clones (if he wanted to, he could have easily done that) but he loved each one of us so much that he took time and effort into forming us to be the person we are today.
I'll finish with this: next time your having a bad day, just look up to the sky and you'll see what God can do. Or the next time someone at is driving you crazy, try to see what God sees. Find the beauty in everything he created.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
"Girl! YOU are unique!... Just like everyone else!"
One time in particular I was feeling a little low on life, realized that my ex had moved on, blah blah blah!... So i decided to open up and talk to my roommate (I should tell you Maria is the type of girl who WILL cheer you up, make anyone come out of their "bubble" BUT she is not the best for advice...) and her motivational speech to me was the title of this post! Anyways, I'm just in the mood to share with all ya'll some of my uniqueness!
-i have a teddy bear named todd. todd is the name of the perfect man from my favorite book series growing up (i was told that there was no such thing as a perfect guy... so i created him!) reading that book series is a big reason as to why i'm a christian missionary today!
-I once told my dad that; in my past life i was ONE of dean martins girls.... i don't believe in reincarnation but if i did i was definitely one of his girls! haha
-i stick my tongue out when i'm concentrating too hard (apparently it's a "williams" thing)
-I cry at least once EVERY time I watch So You Think You Can Dance.
-I used to be an extravert but now i am an introvert. i don't mind it but it does take me forever to say what i'm thinking cause i feel the need to process word for word of what i will& be saying out loud.
-the coffee sleeves at starbucks have little ridges and while i'm there talking with friends i HAVE to pull the sleeve apart ridge by ridge until its finished
-when eating grapes (especially frozen ones) I have to hold it between my thumb and middle finger and peel them with my teeth before i eat the whole grape.
-I think i have number dyslexia, i hate loading minutes onto my cell phone! i always mix numbers up.
-I am a visionary but i have trouble communicating my dreams and making them sound the way i want them too!
-my favorite animal is a hippo... and my puppy!
-i pick up accents FAASTTT, there are a few words that i say that sound more oklahoma or michigan, sometimes i sound "old native". but my favorite is living with aussies, norwegians, pacific islanders, germans, koreans, etc and picking up non english words and it sounding normal in an english speaking sentence.
-i used to want to experience homelessness so i would know what it was like and i could somewhat relate to them more. (my parents put a stop to that and encouraged me to buy them food instead)
-i have a teddy bear named todd. todd is the name of the perfect man from my favorite book series growing up (i was told that there was no such thing as a perfect guy... so i created him!) reading that book series is a big reason as to why i'm a christian missionary today!
-I once told my dad that; in my past life i was ONE of dean martins girls.... i don't believe in reincarnation but if i did i was definitely one of his girls! haha
-i stick my tongue out when i'm concentrating too hard (apparently it's a "williams" thing)
-I cry at least once EVERY time I watch So You Think You Can Dance.
-I used to be an extravert but now i am an introvert. i don't mind it but it does take me forever to say what i'm thinking cause i feel the need to process word for word of what i will& be saying out loud.
-the coffee sleeves at starbucks have little ridges and while i'm there talking with friends i HAVE to pull the sleeve apart ridge by ridge until its finished
-when eating grapes (especially frozen ones) I have to hold it between my thumb and middle finger and peel them with my teeth before i eat the whole grape.
-I think i have number dyslexia, i hate loading minutes onto my cell phone! i always mix numbers up.
-I am a visionary but i have trouble communicating my dreams and making them sound the way i want them too!
-my favorite animal is a hippo... and my puppy!
-i pick up accents FAASTTT, there are a few words that i say that sound more oklahoma or michigan, sometimes i sound "old native". but my favorite is living with aussies, norwegians, pacific islanders, germans, koreans, etc and picking up non english words and it sounding normal in an english speaking sentence.
-i used to want to experience homelessness so i would know what it was like and i could somewhat relate to them more. (my parents put a stop to that and encouraged me to buy them food instead)
Disneyland with Maria! 2010
Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Finding yourself"
"She wanted one thing, she wanted to go back to the way things used to be, she wanted to be oblivious to the realities that surrounded her. She miss those yelling, jumping, prancing times with her girlfriends. They were so far from her, they called her "friend" but she knew that was not true. They didn't know who she was anymore... She looked into the mirror and saw a stranger, she had lost herself..."
I wrote that 5 years ago and it funny how i can come back to it and think "wow, I must have been in pretty low state", then i can read it again and be like "man, thats how i feel right now...".
I'm so extremely blessed to have an amazing life, one of which is filled with amazing family, good friends and knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter my faults. Sometimes I feel like i've lost myself, or "I don't know who i am anymore"... But then i'm reminded of "the bigger picture": WHO am I here for? WHO knows me better then anyone else? Why do I feel the need to "Find myself?" when the person who created me knows exactly WHO I AM, and EVERYTHING I am created to be.
One thing I love/hate about "finding yourself" is you finally get to be how you invisioned yourself, just to realize you have SO much more potential! Setteling is so much easier the striving but whats the point in that?
I'll end this little rant with this:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates other."
-Nelson Mandela
I wrote that 5 years ago and it funny how i can come back to it and think "wow, I must have been in pretty low state", then i can read it again and be like "man, thats how i feel right now...".
I'm so extremely blessed to have an amazing life, one of which is filled with amazing family, good friends and knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter my faults. Sometimes I feel like i've lost myself, or "I don't know who i am anymore"... But then i'm reminded of "the bigger picture": WHO am I here for? WHO knows me better then anyone else? Why do I feel the need to "Find myself?" when the person who created me knows exactly WHO I AM, and EVERYTHING I am created to be.
One thing I love/hate about "finding yourself" is you finally get to be how you invisioned yourself, just to realize you have SO much more potential! Setteling is so much easier the striving but whats the point in that?
I'll end this little rant with this:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates other."
-Nelson Mandela
Saturday, July 2, 2011
OEW Fast sum up :)
The past week I was in Missouri at a Christian native youth camp called Warrior Leadership Summit (WLS), the past few summers I’ve been part of the mobile ministry team that runs right after camp called On Eagles Wings (OEW).
I walked into my room on Monday so unsure of what my roommates were going to be like but I’m sure God had that planned from the beginning and I’m so truly blessed that I was able to get to know these girls and be encouraged by them!
My roommates this week were a group of girls from Northern Ontario and to see God ignite their hearts was so overwhelming! I reminded me of what it felt like when I first gave my heart to God, how happy I felt and how I wanted to tell everyone how good it feels to actually follow Christ. It was so cute listening to them say things like “It feels so good to be saved”, “I just want to go run around, I can’t sleep I’m too happy!”, “Jesus is so awesome” or “Yeah! Let’s start our life circles!” (Life circles are basically talking about what we learned that day, and what Jesus is showing us. In all my years of being at WLS I’ve never been with a group so excited to do them!)
Anyways, July is usually my favourite month of the whole year but I decided not to go on the OEW tour this summer and I thought it was going to be an easy choice; being able to see everyone, and then coming home after a week. But it wasn’t... It was actually so hard leaving and knowing that I’m settling for an O.K summer instead of being a life changer in Native America.
This morning I was still contemplating staying behind (I don’t know how possible that actually was but the thought was there the WHOLE week). Even though my heard broke this morning, I’m excited to hear how God is using the team in Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota this summer!
I walked into my room on Monday so unsure of what my roommates were going to be like but I’m sure God had that planned from the beginning and I’m so truly blessed that I was able to get to know these girls and be encouraged by them!
My roommates this week were a group of girls from Northern Ontario and to see God ignite their hearts was so overwhelming! I reminded me of what it felt like when I first gave my heart to God, how happy I felt and how I wanted to tell everyone how good it feels to actually follow Christ. It was so cute listening to them say things like “It feels so good to be saved”, “I just want to go run around, I can’t sleep I’m too happy!”, “Jesus is so awesome” or “Yeah! Let’s start our life circles!” (Life circles are basically talking about what we learned that day, and what Jesus is showing us. In all my years of being at WLS I’ve never been with a group so excited to do them!)
Anyways, July is usually my favourite month of the whole year but I decided not to go on the OEW tour this summer and I thought it was going to be an easy choice; being able to see everyone, and then coming home after a week. But it wasn’t... It was actually so hard leaving and knowing that I’m settling for an O.K summer instead of being a life changer in Native America.
This morning I was still contemplating staying behind (I don’t know how possible that actually was but the thought was there the WHOLE week). Even though my heard broke this morning, I’m excited to hear how God is using the team in Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota this summer!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Whats Next vs. What Now
"Instead of asking God 'What do you want me to do next', I should be asking Him 'What do you want me to do while i'm here right now'.
I get so caught up in "whats next" and "when?!" that I forget about right now. How do I make a lasting impact on peoples life at this very moment. I've grown accustom my life in missions that I forget that everyday is a new mission, the people I grew up knowing, the people I meet randomly; God loves them all and He's given me a story thats waiting to be told.
I know my heart is here for Native America, I know that one day I will be going to Alaska, and as much as I love On Eagles Wings team in the summer, I'll probably be here in Parry Sound/Muskoka. At first this was overwhelmingly scary to me, infact my heart broke a little! Being at home is never easy for me, I tend to feel alone and out of place, like I don't belong... It's on those moments that I begin to lose sight on "What God wants me to be doing right" and I start trying to figure out for myself "whats next".
Funny how I want to work with the First Nations here but I never feel "ready" or let the feelings of "being alone" take over and I actually close up, rather then allowing myself to be open to people I run into day-to-day.
Isn't satan sneaky? He takes good intentions and confuses what God has planned for my life and has me stop waiting on God and start planning for myself, so much so that I forget to ask God what I should be doing.
So God... This is me asking you... What now?
I get so caught up in "whats next" and "when?!" that I forget about right now. How do I make a lasting impact on peoples life at this very moment. I've grown accustom my life in missions that I forget that everyday is a new mission, the people I grew up knowing, the people I meet randomly; God loves them all and He's given me a story thats waiting to be told.
I know my heart is here for Native America, I know that one day I will be going to Alaska, and as much as I love On Eagles Wings team in the summer, I'll probably be here in Parry Sound/Muskoka. At first this was overwhelmingly scary to me, infact my heart broke a little! Being at home is never easy for me, I tend to feel alone and out of place, like I don't belong... It's on those moments that I begin to lose sight on "What God wants me to be doing right" and I start trying to figure out for myself "whats next".
Funny how I want to work with the First Nations here but I never feel "ready" or let the feelings of "being alone" take over and I actually close up, rather then allowing myself to be open to people I run into day-to-day.
Isn't satan sneaky? He takes good intentions and confuses what God has planned for my life and has me stop waiting on God and start planning for myself, so much so that I forget to ask God what I should be doing.
So God... This is me asking you... What now?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Broken
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
My dear friend beka wrote and produced this short film, it really brought me to tears as I watched it this morning. She says "I am overwhelmed by the pain that i see, i see the tears of the oppressed and they have no comforter".
My dear friend beka wrote and produced this short film, it really brought me to tears as I watched it this morning. She says "I am overwhelmed by the pain that i see, i see the tears of the oppressed and they have no comforter".
Thursday, May 26, 2011
The Rapture?
Hahaha, that billboard made my laugh! People are too focused on WHEN it's going to happen rather then living their lives the way Christ intended us to and just be ready. The whole verse in Matthew reads "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.". NOT EVEN THE ANGEL!!! Why must people be so caught up in guessing when it'll happen when the angels themselves don't even know!
[Side not: I've been learning more about the new age movement and one thing that stuck out to me was the mass enlightenment and global unity tha during this time it'll be free of all war, violence, racism, hunger and death, and some even think that we'll be "one" with one language, one world govenment, one religion.
After watching Left behind it talks about the 7 years of tribulation followed by 7 years of peace. I'll be honest I haven't really reseached this the second coming but would New agers see the 7 years of peace as global unity? Just a thought!]
All this to say we need to stop chasing and tracking and guessing when Christ is coming agian and focus on being as Christ like as we can everyday, so that one day we can stand infront of God and know that we (the body of Christ) didn't get mislead or caught up on silly details but did everything we could to love and serve the people around us.
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis
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Two girls that have impacted my life recently and if they could be around me always, i'd be happy! haha:
Alyssa Lazore: You really are my other half, it seems like everything your going through i've done and vice versa! I'm pretty much an open book to you and know that you'll still love me in the end! haha. It was great meeting your family and learning that even our parents are very similar to one another. I'm so thankful that God placed you in my life on the On Eagles Wings team almost 3 years ago. I love how God has brought us together in our likenesses!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Home
I love how these questions;
"whats next?"
"going anywhere soon?"
"Where's your next trip?"
Are usually asked before "How are you?', I love being known as a Traveler, Missionary, Gypsy, or Nomad (whatever you want to call it) however sometimes it gets a little hard because I feel the need to ALWAYS have something lined up.
I recently posted a blog called "Alaska is on my mind", and I thought that trip was going to be sooner but as time gets closer the more it seems harder to go. I've always been comfortable with words "adventure" "new" and "different" but those are starting to change to "stable" "secure" and "the same".
The past 4-6 years have been filled with excitement and I've really felt alive and enjoying life.
I've lived in so many different places and have enjoyed them all, but home has always been home. Yep, I'm coming to terms with the fact I'm a little laid back, Muskoka cottage country girl at my very core.
I loved living in the heart of downtown Hamilton, learning the native rez life on Mantoulin Island, soaking up the Californian sun in the Los Angeles Vally, living as a real nomad sleeping on the floors of the Berber people, Mansions in the European getaway country, living on a bus touring America, very well tended Italian neighbourhoods in Toronto Ontario but nothing comes close to little Moose Deer Point, Ontario, Canada.
I would say i'm pretty adaptable but I'm leaning the More I leave Moose Deer the More I Miss home, this place has always been my comfort zone. The only thing I miss here is the amazing people I have met throughout my travels.
So what's next? I have no idea but no matter where it leads I know i'll always have a home.
"whats next?"
"going anywhere soon?"
"Where's your next trip?"
Are usually asked before "How are you?', I love being known as a Traveler, Missionary, Gypsy, or Nomad (whatever you want to call it) however sometimes it gets a little hard because I feel the need to ALWAYS have something lined up.
I recently posted a blog called "Alaska is on my mind", and I thought that trip was going to be sooner but as time gets closer the more it seems harder to go. I've always been comfortable with words "adventure" "new" and "different" but those are starting to change to "stable" "secure" and "the same".
The past 4-6 years have been filled with excitement and I've really felt alive and enjoying life.
I've lived in so many different places and have enjoyed them all, but home has always been home. Yep, I'm coming to terms with the fact I'm a little laid back, Muskoka cottage country girl at my very core.
I loved living in the heart of downtown Hamilton, learning the native rez life on Mantoulin Island, soaking up the Californian sun in the Los Angeles Vally, living as a real nomad sleeping on the floors of the Berber people, Mansions in the European getaway country, living on a bus touring America, very well tended Italian neighbourhoods in Toronto Ontario but nothing comes close to little Moose Deer Point, Ontario, Canada.
I would say i'm pretty adaptable but I'm leaning the More I leave Moose Deer the More I Miss home, this place has always been my comfort zone. The only thing I miss here is the amazing people I have met throughout my travels.
So what's next? I have no idea but no matter where it leads I know i'll always have a home.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
A life less ordinary.
For the past few days i've been trying to blog SOMETHING and I come close to finishing but don't really "feel" it anymore.
I've felt that somethings missing...
Today I was at an art exhibit called "Visibly Unseen" and on one of the photographer write ups, read "...Her death changed the way I look at life; Katarina doesn't get another chance to go after her dreams...". I read over that a half a dozen times, each time fitting something new in me, or something that faded. I've lost my passion for seeing native american youth rising up, I've lost interest in trying to break down the native stereotypes, and I'm slowly becoming content with an ordinary life.
I dictionary.com-ed Ordinary and it read "With no special or distinctive features; normal.". Would I really be ok with knowing that my life was ordinary, normal, nothing impactful? No way! My teenage years and early twenties were filled with striving to be the best, dreaming big, learning to chase after what I want in life, making mistakes but having some sort of courage to get back up.
Truth is, all I want is a life less ordinary, when I finally get to heaven I want to hear God say "I'm so proud of you Melissa!" and know that I did want everything God wanted me to do.
I'm realizing the thing that has been missing is God, I've grown so used to just praying to him, that I forgot to listen. I stopped listening to my bestfriend and made our conversations all about me and what I think.
So God... I want to know your voice and have constant communication with you because I know you can speak to me and I know you have been. I'm sorry for allowing myself to make decisions without seeking you. I don't want to be that person that calls you a "best friend" but only comes to your when things are either going amazingly or horribly in my life, but I want to know whats on your heart so I help you!
So You and I can be a team and have a life less ordinary Together!
I've felt that somethings missing...
Today I was at an art exhibit called "Visibly Unseen" and on one of the photographer write ups, read "...Her death changed the way I look at life; Katarina doesn't get another chance to go after her dreams...". I read over that a half a dozen times, each time fitting something new in me, or something that faded. I've lost my passion for seeing native american youth rising up, I've lost interest in trying to break down the native stereotypes, and I'm slowly becoming content with an ordinary life.
I dictionary.com-ed Ordinary and it read "With no special or distinctive features; normal.". Would I really be ok with knowing that my life was ordinary, normal, nothing impactful? No way! My teenage years and early twenties were filled with striving to be the best, dreaming big, learning to chase after what I want in life, making mistakes but having some sort of courage to get back up.
Truth is, all I want is a life less ordinary, when I finally get to heaven I want to hear God say "I'm so proud of you Melissa!" and know that I did want everything God wanted me to do.
I'm realizing the thing that has been missing is God, I've grown so used to just praying to him, that I forgot to listen. I stopped listening to my bestfriend and made our conversations all about me and what I think.
So God... I want to know your voice and have constant communication with you because I know you can speak to me and I know you have been. I'm sorry for allowing myself to make decisions without seeking you. I don't want to be that person that calls you a "best friend" but only comes to your when things are either going amazingly or horribly in my life, but I want to know whats on your heart so I help you!
So You and I can be a team and have a life less ordinary Together!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Disappearing Love & Genuine Love
So, I've come to the realization that every time I'm stuggling with things in my life, it usually boils down to "feeling alone" because I feel "rejected" OR people "disappear" on me.
When I first started this whole "self discovery" thing, I was sitting in the backseat of my parents car writing in my journal about my broken heart about the lose of friends and... well, boys too.
But around the same time I was also wondering if I had a niece yet, and wondering if my brother would let me know..... and the more I thought, the more I realized that I've always longed for my brothers to play an actual part in my life.
The best memory I have is with my eldest brother; he showed up to my elementray school graduation, Even though he had to leave early he came up to me and gave me a kiss and told me he loved me, and I remember sitting beside kenneth trudeau trying not cry!
I wanted a love from them that didn't look like it disappeared or was out of some form of obligation, growing up I was so busy being mad at them for some (in my eyes) unwise decisions, that I missed out on having a relationship with them.
As for Best Friends... I think I use this term a little too lightly yet it still comes with great expectations when I do use it. Always wanting to feel apart of something, a belonging and I'm sure being raised like an only child didn't help much either!
Anyways, I don't really have some sort of great conclusion to this entry, In fact there are a lot of people I miss right now, people that have disappeared or gave up on our relaltionship, people that (in the past) I have gone out of my way for, because I classified them as a "best friend", but i've come to learn that most of it was one sided and when I stopped chasing, and needed someone.... I was alone.
I don't mean for this to sound like a self pity entry, rather an "i need to fix myself" one! Sometime I feel asthough I'm wired to care, but maybe I have to learn to not hold up such high expectations for others and keep in mind that I just need to show love no matter what, to everyone!
I think Mother Teresa said it best "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
When I first started this whole "self discovery" thing, I was sitting in the backseat of my parents car writing in my journal about my broken heart about the lose of friends and... well, boys too.
But around the same time I was also wondering if I had a niece yet, and wondering if my brother would let me know..... and the more I thought, the more I realized that I've always longed for my brothers to play an actual part in my life.
The best memory I have is with my eldest brother; he showed up to my elementray school graduation, Even though he had to leave early he came up to me and gave me a kiss and told me he loved me, and I remember sitting beside kenneth trudeau trying not cry!
I wanted a love from them that didn't look like it disappeared or was out of some form of obligation, growing up I was so busy being mad at them for some (in my eyes) unwise decisions, that I missed out on having a relationship with them.
As for Best Friends... I think I use this term a little too lightly yet it still comes with great expectations when I do use it. Always wanting to feel apart of something, a belonging and I'm sure being raised like an only child didn't help much either!
Anyways, I don't really have some sort of great conclusion to this entry, In fact there are a lot of people I miss right now, people that have disappeared or gave up on our relaltionship, people that (in the past) I have gone out of my way for, because I classified them as a "best friend", but i've come to learn that most of it was one sided and when I stopped chasing, and needed someone.... I was alone.
I don't mean for this to sound like a self pity entry, rather an "i need to fix myself" one! Sometime I feel asthough I'm wired to care, but maybe I have to learn to not hold up such high expectations for others and keep in mind that I just need to show love no matter what, to everyone!
I think Mother Teresa said it best "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
Friday, April 8, 2011
The body of Christ?
My heart in a few short quotes:
"Jesus said "im the truth". Truth is not a teaching, truth is a person, and if you have that person you have that truth, and in that person there is always unity" Jan Pasterkamp
"God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness." Rick Warren
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." Mother Teresa
"God is love"
Sometimes I wish the Church would learn what it truly meant to be "the body of Christ" and how God has created us to be INTERDEPENDENT with one another, we as christians are ALL called to be the body of Christ.
Think of the quote "your only as strong as your weakest link" it's so true for christian, we can't function the way God intended for us to if we don't work together.
If you ask people what they thought of christians you'd hear people call us; hypocrites, intolorant, judgemental, and power hungry....
If God is LOVE, then how come we are not ususally known for our love, our hearts for serving and having unity within the body of Christ.
Anyways, this is what has been on my heart lately; to see the body of Christ rise up and become Christ like.
"Jesus said "im the truth". Truth is not a teaching, truth is a person, and if you have that person you have that truth, and in that person there is always unity" Jan Pasterkamp
"God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness." Rick Warren
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." Mother Teresa
"God is love"
Think of the quote "your only as strong as your weakest link" it's so true for christian, we can't function the way God intended for us to if we don't work together.
If you ask people what they thought of christians you'd hear people call us; hypocrites, intolorant, judgemental, and power hungry....
If God is LOVE, then how come we are not ususally known for our love, our hearts for serving and having unity within the body of Christ.
Anyways, this is what has been on my heart lately; to see the body of Christ rise up and become Christ like.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Alaska is on my mind
Living in the entertainment capital of the world, and Hula practises with Island breeze.... Yet I can't get Alaska off my mind.
I've always wanted to avoid the cold and where I grew up,,, thats the furthest North i've ever wanted to go! (seriously, going to North Bay Ontario freaked me out because it had the word "North" in it) Sometimes our ideals are not Gods!
I've been fortunite enough to have lived my teenage dream and experience the Los Angeles life style, I was blessed have volenteered at Canada's top modeling agencies, then move to LA just to soak up some sun and shopping!
However, almost two years ago I met someone who stuck a tiny bug in my ear and mentioned Alaska, I thought it was cool he went WAY up there, but I was packing for LA at this time and could not be more excited to be escaping the Canadian Winter! I'm pretty sure I even said "I could NEVER go up there! its soo cold and far!"
Little did I know at that time God would be preparing my for something that seemed very unlikely.
Anyways, a year after the conversation I randomly kept in contact with that person who mentioned Alaska (never actually meeting him, gotta love facebook and other social networks) but weirdly enough we would keep meeting mutual friends, whether it be in Haiti, British Columbia, Alberta, Thailand?, and Missiour.
In Missouri I was going to a native america christian youth conference and I had known almost all of my roommates except for Rae Dawn and Summer. I ended up over hearing a conversation ask asked Rae Dawn if she had done a DTS, sure enough she had, and she did it in ALASKA! I was amazed that I now knew 2 people that actually did a dts there! haha (it still seemed too crazy for me).
Rae Dawn and I were on a summer mobile ministry team together called "On Eagles Wings" and I was able to learn a little more without seeming I was too curious about this place to far north. During the middle of our travels I recieved an email from a guy named "grame", He was one of my speakers during my DTS (2 years ago) and he randomly emailed this:
Dear Melissa,
Good morning & greetings to you this day.
Melissa, what became of the desire to be involved to be involved with Native youth.
Where I am [Cimarron] is involved with Dineh [Navaho].
Melissa, what are you doing with your days?
Melissa, would you be open to being involved with Alaskan Native people, helping in a small ywam base?
Next July Nirmala and I, 2 others, will head into the Aleutians; wanted to go there since 11. We will be in Alaska about a month." (the email continued but you get the idea)
Anyways, I eventually went home and forgot all about Alaska... In september ish, I was going out with my mom and we stopped at the post office, when she got back she through a package at me it read; YWAM ALASKA. I have never contacted this base but somehow I recieved a staff application form, you would think by now i'd be like "ok, God, just tell me when!" but of course it wasn't like that....
It's now March and i've continued to keep Alaska in the back of my mind, it wasn't until the other day that I woke up and thought "hey, i think i'm ready to go there now"
I'm still praying about when, but i'm actually excited to see what will come of this, and how it will all fall into place. This is where my story ends so far, but Alaska is on my mind :)
I've always wanted to avoid the cold and where I grew up,,, thats the furthest North i've ever wanted to go! (seriously, going to North Bay Ontario freaked me out because it had the word "North" in it) Sometimes our ideals are not Gods!
I've been fortunite enough to have lived my teenage dream and experience the Los Angeles life style, I was blessed have volenteered at Canada's top modeling agencies, then move to LA just to soak up some sun and shopping!
However, almost two years ago I met someone who stuck a tiny bug in my ear and mentioned Alaska, I thought it was cool he went WAY up there, but I was packing for LA at this time and could not be more excited to be escaping the Canadian Winter! I'm pretty sure I even said "I could NEVER go up there! its soo cold and far!"
Little did I know at that time God would be preparing my for something that seemed very unlikely.
Anyways, a year after the conversation I randomly kept in contact with that person who mentioned Alaska (never actually meeting him, gotta love facebook and other social networks) but weirdly enough we would keep meeting mutual friends, whether it be in Haiti, British Columbia, Alberta, Thailand?, and Missiour.
In Missouri I was going to a native america christian youth conference and I had known almost all of my roommates except for Rae Dawn and Summer. I ended up over hearing a conversation ask asked Rae Dawn if she had done a DTS, sure enough she had, and she did it in ALASKA! I was amazed that I now knew 2 people that actually did a dts there! haha (it still seemed too crazy for me).
Rae Dawn and I were on a summer mobile ministry team together called "On Eagles Wings" and I was able to learn a little more without seeming I was too curious about this place to far north. During the middle of our travels I recieved an email from a guy named "grame", He was one of my speakers during my DTS (2 years ago) and he randomly emailed this:
Dear Melissa,
Good morning & greetings to you this day.
Melissa, what became of the desire to be involved to be involved with Native youth.
Where I am [Cimarron] is involved with Dineh [Navaho].
Melissa, what are you doing with your days?
Melissa, would you be open to being involved with Alaskan Native people, helping in a small ywam base?
Next July Nirmala and I, 2 others, will head into the Aleutians; wanted to go there since 11. We will be in Alaska about a month." (the email continued but you get the idea)
Anyways, I eventually went home and forgot all about Alaska... In september ish, I was going out with my mom and we stopped at the post office, when she got back she through a package at me it read; YWAM ALASKA. I have never contacted this base but somehow I recieved a staff application form, you would think by now i'd be like "ok, God, just tell me when!" but of course it wasn't like that....
It's now March and i've continued to keep Alaska in the back of my mind, it wasn't until the other day that I woke up and thought "hey, i think i'm ready to go there now"
I'm still praying about when, but i'm actually excited to see what will come of this, and how it will all fall into place. This is where my story ends so far, but Alaska is on my mind :)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Love, its a four letter word that holds so much meaning, but has SO many different definitions, people throw it around like dirty laundry, yet everyone searches for it. I thought it was supposed to be simple...
----------------------------------------------------
I started writing this last night, but I couldn't finish it, I was tempted to use 1 cor 13 (the love chapter), it talks about what love should be, but i felt it too over used... Anyways I stumbled across this video today, and in a sense it relates a lot to my own mother, i've seen her feel so disconnected from her children when all she has really done was try to care for us... Anyways, I wouldn't be where I am today without the love my mother gave me...
"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path." Agatha Christie
A Mother's Letter from phos pictures on Vimeo.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Run, pretend and hide.
I'm pretty good at these things.
Actually... I'm feeling pretty broken right now.
--------------------------------------------------------
I wrote this a few days ago and figured I might as well finish it now.
I could go on and blame my problems on being a PK (Preachers kid), always feeling like I have to be perfect, not allowing people to see that I make mistakes, or see when i'm hurting and having trouble trusting God.
Truth is there is probably only a handful of people who really know me, and I'm so grateful for them! Whenever I fail others, them or myself they are always the first to pick me back up and help me set my path back toward God.
Through my dads past struggle with Alcohol, I constantly seen him get back up and follow God. I'm so very grateful for a mother who didn't give up on dad, and a father that didn't give up on the only one who could really save him from this Alcoholism. But more then anything, seeing my parents deal with the "backlash" of my dads falls and dealing with it, and not letting it overcome them, we are now able to be a Christian family that is not longer effected by this problem.
I gave my heart to God as a Christian Native youth, I've seen so many of my christian native friends fall and not rise again; fall into the native american stereotype. I've seen, heard and have been the one that gets talked badly about by the Christian and non christian families because of some of my childish screw ups.
There were many times that I was to blame, and so many times when I felt I should just "give up".
It was during these times that I learned to run, pretend and hide.
-Run somewhere new, somewhere i could start over and didn't have to keep looking into the eyes of people who couldn't let go of the mistakes i've made (or at least i couldn't forgive myself so it was hard to see others i may have hurt).
-Pretend like everythings was alright, maintaining an image of some sort of perfection, I became way too good at this.
-Hiding from myself, taking a back seat because I never felt "good" enough. Questioning Gods plan for my life; Why would he want to use me anyways?
Thats when i'm brought back to my father, he wasn't perfect, when he fell everyone knew, but he got back up. He taught me that I don't have to be perfect, but I do have to keep picking myself up and moving FORWARD.
I'm so grateful that the God's mercies are new every morning, and that its through Him I'm forgiven.
Actually... I'm feeling pretty broken right now.
--------------------------------------------------------
I wrote this a few days ago and figured I might as well finish it now.
I could go on and blame my problems on being a PK (Preachers kid), always feeling like I have to be perfect, not allowing people to see that I make mistakes, or see when i'm hurting and having trouble trusting God.
Truth is there is probably only a handful of people who really know me, and I'm so grateful for them! Whenever I fail others, them or myself they are always the first to pick me back up and help me set my path back toward God.
Through my dads past struggle with Alcohol, I constantly seen him get back up and follow God. I'm so very grateful for a mother who didn't give up on dad, and a father that didn't give up on the only one who could really save him from this Alcoholism. But more then anything, seeing my parents deal with the "backlash" of my dads falls and dealing with it, and not letting it overcome them, we are now able to be a Christian family that is not longer effected by this problem.
I gave my heart to God as a Christian Native youth, I've seen so many of my christian native friends fall and not rise again; fall into the native american stereotype. I've seen, heard and have been the one that gets talked badly about by the Christian and non christian families because of some of my childish screw ups.
There were many times that I was to blame, and so many times when I felt I should just "give up".
It was during these times that I learned to run, pretend and hide.
-Run somewhere new, somewhere i could start over and didn't have to keep looking into the eyes of people who couldn't let go of the mistakes i've made (or at least i couldn't forgive myself so it was hard to see others i may have hurt).
-Pretend like everythings was alright, maintaining an image of some sort of perfection, I became way too good at this.
-Hiding from myself, taking a back seat because I never felt "good" enough. Questioning Gods plan for my life; Why would he want to use me anyways?
Thats when i'm brought back to my father, he wasn't perfect, when he fell everyone knew, but he got back up. He taught me that I don't have to be perfect, but I do have to keep picking myself up and moving FORWARD.
I'm so grateful that the God's mercies are new every morning, and that its through Him I'm forgiven.
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