A life less ordinary.

For the past few days i've been trying to blog SOMETHING and I come close to finishing but don't really "feel" it anymore.
I've felt that somethings missing...

Today I was at an art exhibit called "Visibly Unseen" and on one of the photographer write ups, read "...Her death changed the way I look at life; Katarina doesn't get another chance to go after her dreams...". I read over that a half a dozen times, each time fitting something new in me, or something that faded. I've lost my passion for seeing native american youth rising up, I've lost interest in trying to break down the native stereotypes, and I'm slowly becoming content with an ordinary life.

I dictionary.com-ed Ordinary and it read "With no special or distinctive features; normal.". Would I really be ok with knowing that my life was ordinary, normal, nothing impactful? No way! My teenage years and early twenties were filled with striving to be the best, dreaming big, learning to chase after what I want in life, making mistakes but having some sort of courage to get back up.

Truth is, all I want is a life less ordinary, when I finally get to heaven I want to hear God say "I'm so proud of you Melissa!" and know that I did want everything God wanted me to do.
I'm realizing the thing that has been missing is God, I've grown so used to just praying to him, that I forgot to listen. I stopped listening to my bestfriend and made our conversations all about me and what I think.

So God... I want to know your voice and have constant communication with you because I know you can speak to me and I know you have been. I'm sorry for allowing myself to make decisions without seeking you. I don't want to be that person that calls you a "best friend" but only comes to your when things are either going amazingly or horribly in my life, but I want to know whats on your heart so I help you!
So You and I can be a team and have a life less ordinary Together!