When I first started this whole "self discovery" thing, I was sitting in the backseat of my parents car writing in my journal about my broken heart about the lose of friends and... well, boys too.
But around the same time I was also wondering if I had a niece yet, and wondering if my brother would let me know..... and the more I thought, the more I realized that I've always longed for my brothers to play an actual part in my life.
The best memory I have is with my eldest brother; he showed up to my elementray school graduation, Even though he had to leave early he came up to me and gave me a kiss and told me he loved me, and I remember sitting beside kenneth trudeau trying not cry!
I wanted a love from them that didn't look like it disappeared or was out of some form of obligation, growing up I was so busy being mad at them for some (in my eyes) unwise decisions, that I missed out on having a relationship with them.
As for Best Friends... I think I use this term a little too lightly yet it still comes with great expectations when I do use it. Always wanting to feel apart of something, a belonging and I'm sure being raised like an only child didn't help much either!
Anyways, I don't really have some sort of great conclusion to this entry, In fact there are a lot of people I miss right now, people that have disappeared or gave up on our relaltionship, people that (in the past) I have gone out of my way for, because I classified them as a "best friend", but i've come to learn that most of it was one sided and when I stopped chasing, and needed someone.... I was alone.
I don't mean for this to sound like a self pity entry, rather an "i need to fix myself" one! Sometime I feel asthough I'm wired to care, but maybe I have to learn to not hold up such high expectations for others and keep in mind that I just need to show love no matter what, to everyone!
I think Mother Teresa said it best "Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired."
