I absolutely love the homeless feedings and am a little bummed that my time volunteering there was finished this week. It is during these times that I am reminded of what I love; Relationship building, being able to serve the community that I live in, and meeting people like Matthew. But before I talk more about him maybe I should mention a part of my upbringing.
I grew up in an extemely loving and happy home, I knew that I was loved deeply by my parents but we had our issues too, my dad was an alcoholic- a binge drinker, someone who wouldn't drink for months or years at a time but when he would slip and it would turn into a 1-2 week ordeal.
I remember pouring out bottles that we would find around the house, hiding it if we didn't have time to empty it, I remember waking up to him not being home, knowing at a young age that there was a chance that he may not make it back, I remember crying myself to sleep wondering if he was ok, I still remember the smell that the house would take on, hearing the dry heaves from the basement, but mainly I remember begging him to get help, or threatening to leave if things didn't change.
Honestly, I'm sooo extremely grateful for a mother who would let me fall asleep in her arms, and a teacher who would tell me that I needed to keep loving him and know that he was sick but he still loved me deep down, I'm thankful for my "uncle" Charlie who somehow always knew when to come and just be with my dad, I'm thankful for a grandmother that never stopped praying and also a whole long list of people who also prayed. It's through some many supportive people that I am able to say that my dad has been sober for 9? years and he cleaned himself up and is becoming the man that God has intended him to be.
Ok. Back to Matthew, this man is also someone who was deeply rooted in drugs and alcohol, someone who used to be homeless and lost his wife and children because they couldn't handle his addictions any longer.
But the Matthew I met is completely different then who he was. I saw a strenght in Matthew that reminded me of my father, a strenght of a man who had some many people come against him, who once held onto a lot of bitterness, and sadness in his life, but the strenght that he now carries within himself is so deep and powerful that he was able to change the outcome of his life.
This strenght that I am talking about you can only find when you realize that you are created for so much more, that there is more to life then just getting through the day.
I am so thankful for meeting Matthew, he is a reminder to me, of where my family was, and where we are now. Hearing him speak of his broken past brought me back to a place of remembering those that I was once close to that are also now caught up in the same issues Matthew faced, but it also brought upon encouragement that there is still hope for those people, that if they found that same strenght my dad and Matthew found that they could also become people of change and impact.
Matthew is now a man who has been clean for 8 years, who now has a decent job, he currently has a growing relationship with his two boys, is no longer living on the street, volunteers within his community, and still finds time to go snorkeling and fishing, but mainly he is now a man that comes to homeless feedings to be reminded of what his life once was, and how he was able to find the power of God to get him out and change the course of his life.
This blog started as "my life in missions" but has become what inspires me, my thoughts through lifes ups and downs, & what is God teaching me.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Love as it was displayed to me.
This school has been one of the best yet toughest times, I've heard someone call it a "9 month quiet time with God" and sometimes it is hard to look at the bible and see it as you and God time, but rather too often it becomes a text book.
We have finally reached the book of Matthew and I was pretty excited to be reading about this man Jesus, but as we started doing homework the more I realized how rich it was, and it was taking to do homework (this, along with anxiously awaiting break and spending time with my family).
A few girls and I decided to pull away from our studies and go for a walk to the pier (Pretty much my favorite place to clear my mind, hearing the waves makes me think of dock nights at home). On our way to the pier we saw some YWAMers singing and praying for people who were out on the streets (tourists and locals) and after walking by we decided that if they were there on the way back we'd ask them to pray for us. And of course once we returned they were still there and the girls went in for prayers, I wasn't really feeling it but did it anyways... Lets just say that God knows exactly what we need to hear and he used those two people to speak truth and life back into our hearts.
I don't remember too much of what was said over me but I do remember that Gabriel said that I have a servents heart but also quiet unconditional love for people.
It really hit me that my friends see this in me, and so does God. One thing I've always prayed over myself was to love people the way God does, and the way that it has been displayed to me through my parents.
My mom is this strong rock solid woman, through her I've learned to invest in and defend the "underdogs". I've seen her fight to see her family restored, she is a woman who wants to see unity within people, her community and especially her loved ones. I admire her perserverence.
There have been so many times that i've felt like a "horrible" daughter, not living up to expectations I put on myself but it's in those moments that she has been the one to pick me up and encourage me to keep going and pressing on. If it wasn't for my mom I wouldn't know how to perserver and fight for my friends in their times of need.
As for my dad, I've seen him in some of this low times but I've always seen him get back up. He also has a pure loving heart, one that is unshakable. I really believe that my father has been the greatest example of how The Father loves His children, and to think that God loves me more than my father does actually blows my mind and is pretty unimaginable for me. I've seen my dad cry for the people he cares about that are going through hard times, and he can't fix the problems. He's a prayer warrior, dispite his sickness he is still capable to pray over those who are also sick and in pain, but not only just face-to-face but in his quiet times with God.
All in all, my parents have given me so much love and dispite my mistakes they love me unconditionally, but they have also displayed what love should look like. I've seen many times how my dad bends over backwards for my mom because he genuinly wants to see her happy, and I've seen my mom do everything she possibly can to watch over my dad, to make sure he is comfortable and healthy as he can be.
It's through their Godly characters that I am able to somewhat grasp how God loves. And even though there is still so much I need to learn I'm thankful that God can see my heart in wanted to be His daughter and learning to love the way my Papa does!
We have finally reached the book of Matthew and I was pretty excited to be reading about this man Jesus, but as we started doing homework the more I realized how rich it was, and it was taking to do homework (this, along with anxiously awaiting break and spending time with my family).
A few girls and I decided to pull away from our studies and go for a walk to the pier (Pretty much my favorite place to clear my mind, hearing the waves makes me think of dock nights at home). On our way to the pier we saw some YWAMers singing and praying for people who were out on the streets (tourists and locals) and after walking by we decided that if they were there on the way back we'd ask them to pray for us. And of course once we returned they were still there and the girls went in for prayers, I wasn't really feeling it but did it anyways... Lets just say that God knows exactly what we need to hear and he used those two people to speak truth and life back into our hearts.
I don't remember too much of what was said over me but I do remember that Gabriel said that I have a servents heart but also quiet unconditional love for people.
It really hit me that my friends see this in me, and so does God. One thing I've always prayed over myself was to love people the way God does, and the way that it has been displayed to me through my parents.
My mom is this strong rock solid woman, through her I've learned to invest in and defend the "underdogs". I've seen her fight to see her family restored, she is a woman who wants to see unity within people, her community and especially her loved ones. I admire her perserverence.
There have been so many times that i've felt like a "horrible" daughter, not living up to expectations I put on myself but it's in those moments that she has been the one to pick me up and encourage me to keep going and pressing on. If it wasn't for my mom I wouldn't know how to perserver and fight for my friends in their times of need.
As for my dad, I've seen him in some of this low times but I've always seen him get back up. He also has a pure loving heart, one that is unshakable. I really believe that my father has been the greatest example of how The Father loves His children, and to think that God loves me more than my father does actually blows my mind and is pretty unimaginable for me. I've seen my dad cry for the people he cares about that are going through hard times, and he can't fix the problems. He's a prayer warrior, dispite his sickness he is still capable to pray over those who are also sick and in pain, but not only just face-to-face but in his quiet times with God.
All in all, my parents have given me so much love and dispite my mistakes they love me unconditionally, but they have also displayed what love should look like. I've seen many times how my dad bends over backwards for my mom because he genuinly wants to see her happy, and I've seen my mom do everything she possibly can to watch over my dad, to make sure he is comfortable and healthy as he can be.
It's through their Godly characters that I am able to somewhat grasp how God loves. And even though there is still so much I need to learn I'm thankful that God can see my heart in wanted to be His daughter and learning to love the way my Papa does!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Hunger, Healings and Faithfulness
My parents don't usually like to tell me what is going on with my dad, especially when I'm gone they don't like me to worry...
Tonight I was able to go to the hungry feeding downtown Kona and I ended up sitting with two guys (Matt and John) who were all about their spiritual journey to finding true "enlightenment". I seem to always find myself in situations where people are usually on these types of quests. Anyways, after the feeding was over myself and two other girls felt we should stay behind and talk more with theses guys and I felt that I should just sit beside them but just be in constant prayer.
After a long talk, listening to them talk about what they believe, one of my friends mentioned to Matt that she can actually hear from God and He can talk to her on a regular bases, so he asked if we could ask God to tell him something.
Long story short we were praying and received a few things for both guys, and one thing really hit home to one of them, we even prayed for Johns foot to be healed (he recently hurt it, it was swollen with a fairly deep laceration and had to go to the hospital to get it looked at) I'm not going to lie, I've prayer for years for my dad to be completely healed of his disease and I've seen it go back and forth all the time, so praying for spiritual healing is something I tend to get discouraged about, but I felt that we really should pray for this guys foot.
After about 3 attempts of trying to pray for healing for this guys foot and seeing nothing really happen, I felt a little discouraged that it wasn't one of those moments where God heals right on the spot but it was encouraging to hear how amazed they were that three people would take time out of their day and speak, pray and just listen to them.
I'm committing myself to pray for both John and Matt on a regular bases, that they will one day know Jesus as their saviour and that I will meet them again one day in heaven.
I love how even though God doesn't answer prayers they way we want or think it should happen that He is still God and is still in control, and will always leave us with a hope that He is still a God of Miricles!
Even thought John's foot wasn't healed tonight, I saw a message on my moms facebook concerning my dad that read:
(To read a little more of what my dad has gone through please check out an older blog entry: http://mel01.blogspot.com/2010/02/just-adding-this-now.html)
I just want to end with, no matter how bleek things look, don't give up praying and trusting in God to work through things, He's the one who seees the big picture. Tonight I was able to step out in faith and pray for a guys foot to be healed, and even though it wasn't healed on the spot, I know God seem my faithfulness in stepping out, and praying. I really feel that God blessed me for that, and showed me that He is still in control with what happens with my dad and I need to keep praying stepping out in faith because if I'm faithful to God, He will be faithful to me.
Tonight I was able to go to the hungry feeding downtown Kona and I ended up sitting with two guys (Matt and John) who were all about their spiritual journey to finding true "enlightenment". I seem to always find myself in situations where people are usually on these types of quests. Anyways, after the feeding was over myself and two other girls felt we should stay behind and talk more with theses guys and I felt that I should just sit beside them but just be in constant prayer.
After a long talk, listening to them talk about what they believe, one of my friends mentioned to Matt that she can actually hear from God and He can talk to her on a regular bases, so he asked if we could ask God to tell him something.
Long story short we were praying and received a few things for both guys, and one thing really hit home to one of them, we even prayed for Johns foot to be healed (he recently hurt it, it was swollen with a fairly deep laceration and had to go to the hospital to get it looked at) I'm not going to lie, I've prayer for years for my dad to be completely healed of his disease and I've seen it go back and forth all the time, so praying for spiritual healing is something I tend to get discouraged about, but I felt that we really should pray for this guys foot.
After about 3 attempts of trying to pray for healing for this guys foot and seeing nothing really happen, I felt a little discouraged that it wasn't one of those moments where God heals right on the spot but it was encouraging to hear how amazed they were that three people would take time out of their day and speak, pray and just listen to them.
I'm committing myself to pray for both John and Matt on a regular bases, that they will one day know Jesus as their saviour and that I will meet them again one day in heaven.
I love how even though God doesn't answer prayers they way we want or think it should happen that He is still God and is still in control, and will always leave us with a hope that He is still a God of Miricles!
Even thought John's foot wasn't healed tonight, I saw a message on my moms facebook concerning my dad that read:
(To read a little more of what my dad has gone through please check out an older blog entry: http://mel01.blogspot.com/2010/02/just-adding-this-now.html)
I just want to end with, no matter how bleek things look, don't give up praying and trusting in God to work through things, He's the one who seees the big picture. Tonight I was able to step out in faith and pray for a guys foot to be healed, and even though it wasn't healed on the spot, I know God seem my faithfulness in stepping out, and praying. I really feel that God blessed me for that, and showed me that He is still in control with what happens with my dad and I need to keep praying stepping out in faith because if I'm faithful to God, He will be faithful to me.
Matt and John
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Fires from LA to Hawaii
UofN fire 2012 .
Video from: YWAM LA, October 12, 2008
I can't give much detail about the fire here at the Kona Campus but I can say that it brings back a lot of memories from the YWAM LA fires in 2008, just the thougths of wondering which way the wind is coming from, if people and houses are ok, or if it was going to hit the base but mainly made me remember just how God spared our little LA base.
I remember being woken up at 4am being told "Hey girls, sorry to wake you but we are being evacuated in 10mins and can only pack on bag". This is the same time I realized how superficial I could be, I packed my WHOLE wardrobe, hair straightner, blowdryer and makeup, somehow forgetting my camera and cellphone!
We were all headed to Denny's at 4am and feeling uneasy wondering if our school and our home would still be there when we got back. We could see the fire move close to the base as we looked out the Denny's window... I remember just being told to pray, and from 4am till 6am thats what we all did... Finally a group of us went outside and started sing and worship God even in the midst of the unknown, and it was during that time that we really saw God's hand over our community, the winds begun to change and the fire went back up the foothills.
This time we were fortunite that it was far away, things didn't spread down the hill and that there was no need to be evacuated. I guess watching and listening to everyone's reaction to the Kona fire today reminded me of how good God was back in 2008 and spared that community, but also reminded me that God is still good and He again spared another home to me here in Hawaii.
This time we were fortunite that it was far away, things didn't spread down the hill and that there was no need to be evacuated. I guess watching and listening to everyone's reaction to the Kona fire today reminded me of how good God was back in 2008 and spared that community, but also reminded me that God is still good and He again spared another home to me here in Hawaii.
University of the Nations Kona February 8, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Whales and Dolphins and Sharks, Oh My!
After a full week of being sick, I was debating going out on the paddleboard again, but figured that I should go out since Jeremiah week would suck out any chance of fun out of my life.
Last week we were sooo blessed to be paddleboarding with 200 dolphins, so I couldn't see how this week would be any better, but I still love the ocean and it brings me a little sense of home; resting on paddleboards while soaking up the sun feels like summer in Muskoka.
Next thing you know i'm paddleboarding through (what I thought) pollution, and was feeling pretty disgusted, later to find out that it was whale blood (placenta), which freaked me out even more with the possibly of attracting sharks. (I should mention a few weeks back we were above above a tiger shark, luckily I didn't know this until after our fun day was over)
So of course we paddled out out of the placenta that was scattered all over the ocean, next thing you know Kiamana (a local friend) saw a whale WAYYY far out, so were all getting excited to see a whale, but when we looked closer to us we saw a bunch of fins... Not being able to make it out for sure, Kiamana told us to "go to shore, wait... stick together.... bang on your boards, don't bang on them, and if you seem anything... don't scream" than he told us to come quick because they were dolphins!! So I paddled my hardest to see these dolphins and all of a sudden this MASSIVE thing emerges from the water right behind Kiamana and back under and directly below him letting us view his full size, only to hear Kiamana say "Guy's I think there's a whale here!" hahaha He was waching the dolphins escorting the whale at the front to even notice the humpback whale was OUT OF WATER behind him!
Needless to say that was the weirdest, scariest, craziest experience I have had! to know that you are only on a paddleboard in the middle of the ocean surrounded by animals that are a billion times bigger than you, kind of puts into perspective just how amazing God's creations really are.
Later on that day we were able to go whale watching on a boat, and that really made me feel at home with the waves rock you back and forth while you hear the sound of the waves hitting the side of the boat, is always a comforting feeling to me. I am so truly blessed to be studying Gods word and gaining a greater foundation for my own life, and experiencing God's beauty out here in Hawaii.
Last week we were sooo blessed to be paddleboarding with 200 dolphins, so I couldn't see how this week would be any better, but I still love the ocean and it brings me a little sense of home; resting on paddleboards while soaking up the sun feels like summer in Muskoka.
Next thing you know i'm paddleboarding through (what I thought) pollution, and was feeling pretty disgusted, later to find out that it was whale blood (placenta), which freaked me out even more with the possibly of attracting sharks. (I should mention a few weeks back we were above above a tiger shark, luckily I didn't know this until after our fun day was over)
So of course we paddled out out of the placenta that was scattered all over the ocean, next thing you know Kiamana (a local friend) saw a whale WAYYY far out, so were all getting excited to see a whale, but when we looked closer to us we saw a bunch of fins... Not being able to make it out for sure, Kiamana told us to "go to shore, wait... stick together.... bang on your boards, don't bang on them, and if you seem anything... don't scream" than he told us to come quick because they were dolphins!! So I paddled my hardest to see these dolphins and all of a sudden this MASSIVE thing emerges from the water right behind Kiamana and back under and directly below him letting us view his full size, only to hear Kiamana say "Guy's I think there's a whale here!" hahaha He was waching the dolphins escorting the whale at the front to even notice the humpback whale was OUT OF WATER behind him!
Needless to say that was the weirdest, scariest, craziest experience I have had! to know that you are only on a paddleboard in the middle of the ocean surrounded by animals that are a billion times bigger than you, kind of puts into perspective just how amazing God's creations really are.
Later on that day we were able to go whale watching on a boat, and that really made me feel at home with the waves rock you back and forth while you hear the sound of the waves hitting the side of the boat, is always a comforting feeling to me. I am so truly blessed to be studying Gods word and gaining a greater foundation for my own life, and experiencing God's beauty out here in Hawaii.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
One man's generosity
I've grown up with such an amazing loving family, with parents who would do anything to see their children happy but what I experienced today from a complete stranger was so overwhelming and one of the biggest blessings I have encountered in my life!
I've been trying soooo hard not to spend money and make sure that it all goes to my schooling (tuition) and even buying myself $2.00 nail polish from my birthday money was hard to do... So when I first heard that someone wanted to take a few people for paddle boarding lessons the answer was already a no. (Normally paddle boarding costs $20/hr) I'd probably have to rent the board... Later I found out it was free, and the group that went saw dolphins! I was slightly bummed I had turned it down, but super stoked that he was willing to take another group of us out the next day!
Honestly today was one of the best days i've had in Hawaii so far, went paddle boarding, ate lunch (picnic style) while watching for whales, saw a humpback whale jump out of the water completely airborn, went to a small coffee farm over looking the ocean, eating fresh picked fruits and smelling beautiful flowers, given; Kona coffee beans, chocolate cover macadamia nuts, Kona water and vitamin water and to end the day with pizza! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day... The overwhelming part of it all was this whole day was FREE!
I still can't believe it but after paddleboarding and he wanted to take us out I immediately became skeptical and my thoughts were "is this really happening?" and "what's the catch?". Kaimana's generocity today was so overwhelming and really challenged me to look at my own life. Here is a man who doesn't have a relationship with Creator God but who is way more generous and kind hearted than most christians I met.
I love how God can send non Christian into the life of struggling bible student missionary to not only bless me with such an amazing day with amazing memories but to also show me how Christians should look to those around us. Maybe a little humbling to realize that we as the body of Christ are being outshown by non Christians.
I've been trying soooo hard not to spend money and make sure that it all goes to my schooling (tuition) and even buying myself $2.00 nail polish from my birthday money was hard to do... So when I first heard that someone wanted to take a few people for paddle boarding lessons the answer was already a no. (Normally paddle boarding costs $20/hr) I'd probably have to rent the board... Later I found out it was free, and the group that went saw dolphins! I was slightly bummed I had turned it down, but super stoked that he was willing to take another group of us out the next day!
Honestly today was one of the best days i've had in Hawaii so far, went paddle boarding, ate lunch (picnic style) while watching for whales, saw a humpback whale jump out of the water completely airborn, went to a small coffee farm over looking the ocean, eating fresh picked fruits and smelling beautiful flowers, given; Kona coffee beans, chocolate cover macadamia nuts, Kona water and vitamin water and to end the day with pizza! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day... The overwhelming part of it all was this whole day was FREE!
I still can't believe it but after paddleboarding and he wanted to take us out I immediately became skeptical and my thoughts were "is this really happening?" and "what's the catch?". Kaimana's generocity today was so overwhelming and really challenged me to look at my own life. Here is a man who doesn't have a relationship with Creator God but who is way more generous and kind hearted than most christians I met.
I love how God can send non Christian into the life of struggling bible student missionary to not only bless me with such an amazing day with amazing memories but to also show me how Christians should look to those around us. Maybe a little humbling to realize that we as the body of Christ are being outshown by non Christians.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Job Video
Earlier this week we were asked to create a video based on the book of Job, we had 1 day to do it and only 10mins long. Here's what my group did :)
Friday, December 16, 2011
Hearing the beauty around us.
During the first quarter of this school, I've been blessed to work in the fields with the shepherdess on base, I'm not going to lie, its been super hard and most of the time I can't even image I'm working with sheep... I dislike animal, especially the farm kind.
But I'm not writing about sheep, rather the lady whom I work with, she was born deaf in both her ears, not too long ago she was able to have some sort of surgery and had hearing out of one ear only. As of yesterday, she was able to hear out of BOTH years.
I wish everyone could have seen her reaction to being able to hear for the first time!
She has truly blessed my heart and has brought me back to a place of remembering how privileged i am to be able to hear.
Earlier in class we were challenged to find God in nature, i went over to a sidewalk and sat half way up, trying to find something. But i remembered Thema's amazement with sound, and not too long after i began to realize how many birds there were around me, i didn't see them all but i could hear them. It soon became a game between God and I to try guess where the birds were, and how many different kinds their were, and try to guess how close or far they were away from me.
I began to wonder, if it takes me being purposeful in hearing what is around me daily, how much do I miss what God is trying to say to me on a daily bases? This was just one exercise to learn how to find God in the small things, but it has really challenged me and made me curious how much I miss him speak to me day-to-day.
Seeing Thema's reaction of being able to hear out of two ears for the first time was so powerful to me! Seeing the wonder on her face when she could hear different sounds really showed me how God created us to hear, not only so we can have communication with other but to bless us in hearing the beauty in what God has created.
But I'm not writing about sheep, rather the lady whom I work with, she was born deaf in both her ears, not too long ago she was able to have some sort of surgery and had hearing out of one ear only. As of yesterday, she was able to hear out of BOTH years.
I wish everyone could have seen her reaction to being able to hear for the first time!
She has truly blessed my heart and has brought me back to a place of remembering how privileged i am to be able to hear.
Earlier in class we were challenged to find God in nature, i went over to a sidewalk and sat half way up, trying to find something. But i remembered Thema's amazement with sound, and not too long after i began to realize how many birds there were around me, i didn't see them all but i could hear them. It soon became a game between God and I to try guess where the birds were, and how many different kinds their were, and try to guess how close or far they were away from me.
I began to wonder, if it takes me being purposeful in hearing what is around me daily, how much do I miss what God is trying to say to me on a daily bases? This was just one exercise to learn how to find God in the small things, but it has really challenged me and made me curious how much I miss him speak to me day-to-day.
Seeing Thema's reaction of being able to hear out of two ears for the first time was so powerful to me! Seeing the wonder on her face when she could hear different sounds really showed me how God created us to hear, not only so we can have communication with other but to bless us in hearing the beauty in what God has created.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Uncle John
I'm finally in Hawaii going to school at University of The Nations and loving it :)
My classes have already taught me so much when it comes to biblical history and i've started looking at the bible with whole new eyes! I didn't really want to write about that though, I haven't been feeling inspired to write or even find the time to write. When I say I have homework ALL the time I really mean it!
Today was our first full day off, went to the beach, played some volleyball and did some shopping but the best part of my night was meeting "Uncle John".
I've grown up around alcholics pretty well my whole life and enough stuff has happened to make me afraid of anyone who is drunk or drinking.
I went down to the pier with my really good friend Jen tonight and we were just sitting on the wall looking out over the ocean when some shirtless drunk Hawaiian guy somes over and starts talking to us and introduces himself as "Uncle John". Of course me being afraid of drunks and always been told that you can't trust someone when they are drinking, I'm ready to get out of there and just find a way out of the situation. (of course I don't want to appear rude though, so i'm unsure of what to do!)
Anyways, he climbs up on the wall with us and tells us how nice we are and he has some sons, that we'd make pretty good daughter-in-laws, and how his ex wife is some Indian from Washington and not the greatest person, and starts singing some James Brown...
My brainn didn't really know how to comprehend this...
But I stayed in listened to him, the best part came when he started telling us how he came to know Jesus in jail, and was quotting scripture after scripture....
I felt God whisper "My people aren't perfect but I still love them" and it was through Uncle John tonight that I'm reminded of how good God is; that he could save a jail birl, who still has his faults but speaks the word of God Boldly, to refresh a Christian girl who is going to school for Biblical Studies and give her back a passion to keep pressing into Gods Character.
And even a glimps of the redemption God is capable of.
My classes have already taught me so much when it comes to biblical history and i've started looking at the bible with whole new eyes! I didn't really want to write about that though, I haven't been feeling inspired to write or even find the time to write. When I say I have homework ALL the time I really mean it!
Today was our first full day off, went to the beach, played some volleyball and did some shopping but the best part of my night was meeting "Uncle John".
I've grown up around alcholics pretty well my whole life and enough stuff has happened to make me afraid of anyone who is drunk or drinking.
I went down to the pier with my really good friend Jen tonight and we were just sitting on the wall looking out over the ocean when some shirtless drunk Hawaiian guy somes over and starts talking to us and introduces himself as "Uncle John". Of course me being afraid of drunks and always been told that you can't trust someone when they are drinking, I'm ready to get out of there and just find a way out of the situation. (of course I don't want to appear rude though, so i'm unsure of what to do!)
Anyways, he climbs up on the wall with us and tells us how nice we are and he has some sons, that we'd make pretty good daughter-in-laws, and how his ex wife is some Indian from Washington and not the greatest person, and starts singing some James Brown...
My brainn didn't really know how to comprehend this...
But I stayed in listened to him, the best part came when he started telling us how he came to know Jesus in jail, and was quotting scripture after scripture....
I felt God whisper "My people aren't perfect but I still love them" and it was through Uncle John tonight that I'm reminded of how good God is; that he could save a jail birl, who still has his faults but speaks the word of God Boldly, to refresh a Christian girl who is going to school for Biblical Studies and give her back a passion to keep pressing into Gods Character.
And even a glimps of the redemption God is capable of.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wrong Worship
My Lovely friend Estelle just posted this video on facebook:
The next time you go to church remember you may be able to fool some people with how you worship and talk Godly but your really just fooling yourself... In the end it only matters what God sees.
Jeremiah 17:10 "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.”
Friday, September 2, 2011
For the past few years i've wanted to take Chronological School of Biblical Studies, but have been intimidated with the work load and being away from my family scares me! But spending time in Ottawa with my dear friend Synnove, God really ignited my heart for YWAM, His word and His people, I applied for the school and GOT IN!!!!
I'm needing $12 000 which doesn't incluse plane tickets! I'm still trusting Him about the laptop, camera, flash, hard drive, and even makeup! haha
So, i'm asking you to pray for me over these next 9 months, i'll be able to keep focused, i know i'll be homesick so pray for that! along with financial needs; I'm currently looking for monthly supporters and one time donations, the easiest way would probably be through paypal (will_m01@hotmail.com), or if you are with TD bank (ask for my account number).
Learn more about CSBS: http://www.uofnkona.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=101&Itemid=150&lang=en
Monday, August 29, 2011
Stuff before God.
"Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel." Phil 1:12
This is a letter Paul wrote and as I was reading it I was so excited! Here is a man that has been through WAY more than I can comprehend and here he is in a prison saying how his trials served to advance the gospel!
I realize that my life is no where near Pauls but I do feel that we (the western culture) tend to put items and objects above God. I don't think that I would realize how much my relationship was lacking, I've been given so much STUFF through out my life that I had forgotten how blessed I truly am, not saying i'm not thankful, but I am saying that I didn't realize how much i placed stuff above God.
Its funny because I was in Ottawa the other day and I felt soooo joyful, a feeling I had forgetten how much i missed. And pretty much the moment I had that back it was tested and tested hard!
Whether it be walking out of my best friends apartement because I knew I was hurting God by staying and i felt the best way to represent God was by walking away for that party.
or having my laptop, ipod, hard drive, camera and other stuff stolen out of my car, and not blaming God for not watching over my stuff. Maybe in some messed up way I needed that stuff out of my life for a little while in order to remember how much God actually loves me and how good it feels to be in constant communication with Him.
How many times has God asked me to spend time with him and i've put it off? How much dust do i let collect on my bible before i decided that him and i have some catching up to do? How many times do i talk to him just to vent and forget to ask him how he's doing?
I've had to learn this by having all this stuff just disappear.
So, i'll end with; How many times do YOU put God on the back burner? and how many times do you let stuff come inbetween you and God?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Heavenly treasures
The past few weeks i've known my dear friend Synnove has been visiting Ontario (originally from Norway, but currently living in Los Angeles) and i've wanted to hop in my car and drive to Ottawa (6 hours away). Unfortunitly it didn't look like that would be possible considering I work at a resort and this is the busiest time of the year... Until, a family reunion came to stay and they had a special contract with my boss, which required only 2 people and they'd only be working for four hours a day, thankfully i was blessed with 3 days off!
Something felt a little unsetteling... I wasn't sure of where i'd be staying, or for how long but i couldn't pass up this opportunity to be reunited with one the most truly genuin girls i know! So the next morning i hopped in my car and made the 6 hour trek and decided to also drive an extra 1.5 hours and stay with one of my very closest friends Alyssa, who lives in Hogansburg NY.
I would love to say that things went smoothly but actually it felt like everything that could go wrong went wrong:
I had trouble finding Synnove, felt way out of place at alyssa's and ended up getting a hotel, the hotel ended up being more expensive than i thought, the customs officer was horrible and took forever crossing everyone, was late leaving NY to head back to ottawa, i didn't pack enough warmer clothes, someone was very rude to my friends and myself then to find out my car was broken into and took $3000 worth of stuff; Ipod touch, laptop, external hard drive, Canon rebel xsi, new camera flash, mac makeup and brushs and a lot of smaller things.
The weird thing was is I would not call the trip "bad" or "horrible" actually I had a really fun time, it was like the highs were so high that it made up for all the inconviences of this trip and i'm so blessed that I was able to go and spend time with two girls who are both really close to my heart.
On the way home I felt bad for whoever felt they needed to break into my car and i know in my heart i forgave them and i ask god that they will come to know him and I actually felt at peace, i wasn't angry or mad but I actually hope that one day I will meet them in Heaven... I mean it sucks that I lost all of those things but i dont think i've ever felt so at peace with God.
MAN! is it weird that it took this mess of a few days to really make me appreciate how much God loves! its kind of unreal thinking... Then i got a message on facebook saying ".He can take my joy, he can take my peace he can steal from me, But the enemy cant take my PRaise!! Treasures get stored in heaven for You because of these things happening to you....you are called according to HIs purpose...YOu have been Marked, you're a target for the enemy!!!halleluyah....BIg things ahead for you...."
And I accept and agree with that! The devil stole physical things from me, things that i thought i needed, but really it brought me so much closer to God, seeing how much he loves me through this is insane! i'm not worried about how i'm going to pay for school but i'm trusting that God knows whats best for me, and if allowing my stuff to be taken away is what he feels is best... than i'm trusting in him and i'm going to do it praising the name of Jesus :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
"People see our actions, God sees why we do them"
This has been on my mind the past few weeks, I know i'm a good person, with good intentions, good values and I live a good life. Sometimes I have to wonder, how much of my good life does God see pleasing?
A huge part of me is missing Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and On Eagles Wings (OEW) because it's so easy to say focused on Christ, your surrounded in a bubble of people who all have the same passion to know God and make Him known. Knowing what breaks Gods heart and helping out whether it be through pray, giving, vulenteering etc. feels right.
Lately i've been feeling i'm losing the God intention in things, and doing things out of good intentions but sometimes those intentions feel a little obligated.
I know one thing for sure, i need to get back to a place where I can look in a mirror and see Jesus in me, radiating his light, doing things out of His love and/or brokeness.
Anyone can do good things and can help others with good intentions but how much more effective is it when you have the love of Jesus radiating through you with God intentions!... That, has power to change things eternally.
This has been on my mind the past few weeks, I know i'm a good person, with good intentions, good values and I live a good life. Sometimes I have to wonder, how much of my good life does God see pleasing?
A huge part of me is missing Youth With A Mission (YWAM) and On Eagles Wings (OEW) because it's so easy to say focused on Christ, your surrounded in a bubble of people who all have the same passion to know God and make Him known. Knowing what breaks Gods heart and helping out whether it be through pray, giving, vulenteering etc. feels right.
Lately i've been feeling i'm losing the God intention in things, and doing things out of good intentions but sometimes those intentions feel a little obligated.
I know one thing for sure, i need to get back to a place where I can look in a mirror and see Jesus in me, radiating his light, doing things out of His love and/or brokeness. Anyone can do good things and can help others with good intentions but how much more effective is it when you have the love of Jesus radiating through you with God intentions!... That, has power to change things eternally.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Focus on the Beauty
The past few night i feel asthough God has been saying "focus on the beauty"
and reminding me how much I used to enjoy finding beauty in all things.
Sunsets:
Each sunset has its own unique beauty, a beauty that will only be shared for that day, for that moment, because there will never be a sunset the same. Its like God's canvas; a painting to remind us of His creativeness and to give us a hope for a new day and brighter day. I used to look out at the sky almost evernight (no matter where i was) just to see what beautiful painting God had for me that day, it was a daily reminder of how much he loves me, us, His children.
People:
Not only in the sky can you see His workmanship but also in the people i come into contact with daily. God's creations, we are each uniquely designed, no one is the same... not now, not ever! If you think about it, EVERYONE (past and present) have their own set of finger prints, no one is the same!
Can you even image a God who loves you so much, that he designed you to be you, and no one else? We aren't a bunch of clones (if he wanted to, he could have easily done that) but he loved each one of us so much that he took time and effort into forming us to be the person we are today.
I'll finish with this: next time your having a bad day, just look up to the sky and you'll see what God can do. Or the next time someone at is driving you crazy, try to see what God sees. Find the beauty in everything he created.
and reminding me how much I used to enjoy finding beauty in all things.
Sunsets:
Each sunset has its own unique beauty, a beauty that will only be shared for that day, for that moment, because there will never be a sunset the same. Its like God's canvas; a painting to remind us of His creativeness and to give us a hope for a new day and brighter day. I used to look out at the sky almost evernight (no matter where i was) just to see what beautiful painting God had for me that day, it was a daily reminder of how much he loves me, us, His children.
People:
Not only in the sky can you see His workmanship but also in the people i come into contact with daily. God's creations, we are each uniquely designed, no one is the same... not now, not ever! If you think about it, EVERYONE (past and present) have their own set of finger prints, no one is the same!
Can you even image a God who loves you so much, that he designed you to be you, and no one else? We aren't a bunch of clones (if he wanted to, he could have easily done that) but he loved each one of us so much that he took time and effort into forming us to be the person we are today.
I'll finish with this: next time your having a bad day, just look up to the sky and you'll see what God can do. Or the next time someone at is driving you crazy, try to see what God sees. Find the beauty in everything he created.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
"Girl! YOU are unique!... Just like everyone else!"
One time in particular I was feeling a little low on life, realized that my ex had moved on, blah blah blah!... So i decided to open up and talk to my roommate (I should tell you Maria is the type of girl who WILL cheer you up, make anyone come out of their "bubble" BUT she is not the best for advice...) and her motivational speech to me was the title of this post! Anyways, I'm just in the mood to share with all ya'll some of my uniqueness!
-i have a teddy bear named todd. todd is the name of the perfect man from my favorite book series growing up (i was told that there was no such thing as a perfect guy... so i created him!) reading that book series is a big reason as to why i'm a christian missionary today!
-I once told my dad that; in my past life i was ONE of dean martins girls.... i don't believe in reincarnation but if i did i was definitely one of his girls! haha
-i stick my tongue out when i'm concentrating too hard (apparently it's a "williams" thing)
-I cry at least once EVERY time I watch So You Think You Can Dance.
-I used to be an extravert but now i am an introvert. i don't mind it but it does take me forever to say what i'm thinking cause i feel the need to process word for word of what i will& be saying out loud.
-the coffee sleeves at starbucks have little ridges and while i'm there talking with friends i HAVE to pull the sleeve apart ridge by ridge until its finished
-when eating grapes (especially frozen ones) I have to hold it between my thumb and middle finger and peel them with my teeth before i eat the whole grape.
-I think i have number dyslexia, i hate loading minutes onto my cell phone! i always mix numbers up.
-I am a visionary but i have trouble communicating my dreams and making them sound the way i want them too!
-my favorite animal is a hippo... and my puppy!
-i pick up accents FAASTTT, there are a few words that i say that sound more oklahoma or michigan, sometimes i sound "old native". but my favorite is living with aussies, norwegians, pacific islanders, germans, koreans, etc and picking up non english words and it sounding normal in an english speaking sentence.
-i used to want to experience homelessness so i would know what it was like and i could somewhat relate to them more. (my parents put a stop to that and encouraged me to buy them food instead)
-i have a teddy bear named todd. todd is the name of the perfect man from my favorite book series growing up (i was told that there was no such thing as a perfect guy... so i created him!) reading that book series is a big reason as to why i'm a christian missionary today!
-I once told my dad that; in my past life i was ONE of dean martins girls.... i don't believe in reincarnation but if i did i was definitely one of his girls! haha
-i stick my tongue out when i'm concentrating too hard (apparently it's a "williams" thing)
-I cry at least once EVERY time I watch So You Think You Can Dance.
-I used to be an extravert but now i am an introvert. i don't mind it but it does take me forever to say what i'm thinking cause i feel the need to process word for word of what i will& be saying out loud.
-the coffee sleeves at starbucks have little ridges and while i'm there talking with friends i HAVE to pull the sleeve apart ridge by ridge until its finished
-when eating grapes (especially frozen ones) I have to hold it between my thumb and middle finger and peel them with my teeth before i eat the whole grape.
-I think i have number dyslexia, i hate loading minutes onto my cell phone! i always mix numbers up.
-I am a visionary but i have trouble communicating my dreams and making them sound the way i want them too!
-my favorite animal is a hippo... and my puppy!
-i pick up accents FAASTTT, there are a few words that i say that sound more oklahoma or michigan, sometimes i sound "old native". but my favorite is living with aussies, norwegians, pacific islanders, germans, koreans, etc and picking up non english words and it sounding normal in an english speaking sentence.
-i used to want to experience homelessness so i would know what it was like and i could somewhat relate to them more. (my parents put a stop to that and encouraged me to buy them food instead)
Disneyland with Maria! 2010
Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Finding yourself"
"She wanted one thing, she wanted to go back to the way things used to be, she wanted to be oblivious to the realities that surrounded her. She miss those yelling, jumping, prancing times with her girlfriends. They were so far from her, they called her "friend" but she knew that was not true. They didn't know who she was anymore... She looked into the mirror and saw a stranger, she had lost herself..."
I wrote that 5 years ago and it funny how i can come back to it and think "wow, I must have been in pretty low state", then i can read it again and be like "man, thats how i feel right now...".
I'm so extremely blessed to have an amazing life, one of which is filled with amazing family, good friends and knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter my faults. Sometimes I feel like i've lost myself, or "I don't know who i am anymore"... But then i'm reminded of "the bigger picture": WHO am I here for? WHO knows me better then anyone else? Why do I feel the need to "Find myself?" when the person who created me knows exactly WHO I AM, and EVERYTHING I am created to be.
One thing I love/hate about "finding yourself" is you finally get to be how you invisioned yourself, just to realize you have SO much more potential! Setteling is so much easier the striving but whats the point in that?
I'll end this little rant with this:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates other."
-Nelson Mandela
I wrote that 5 years ago and it funny how i can come back to it and think "wow, I must have been in pretty low state", then i can read it again and be like "man, thats how i feel right now...".
I'm so extremely blessed to have an amazing life, one of which is filled with amazing family, good friends and knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter my faults. Sometimes I feel like i've lost myself, or "I don't know who i am anymore"... But then i'm reminded of "the bigger picture": WHO am I here for? WHO knows me better then anyone else? Why do I feel the need to "Find myself?" when the person who created me knows exactly WHO I AM, and EVERYTHING I am created to be.
One thing I love/hate about "finding yourself" is you finally get to be how you invisioned yourself, just to realize you have SO much more potential! Setteling is so much easier the striving but whats the point in that?
I'll end this little rant with this:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates other."
-Nelson Mandela
Saturday, July 2, 2011
OEW Fast sum up :)
The past week I was in Missouri at a Christian native youth camp called Warrior Leadership Summit (WLS), the past few summers I’ve been part of the mobile ministry team that runs right after camp called On Eagles Wings (OEW).
I walked into my room on Monday so unsure of what my roommates were going to be like but I’m sure God had that planned from the beginning and I’m so truly blessed that I was able to get to know these girls and be encouraged by them!
My roommates this week were a group of girls from Northern Ontario and to see God ignite their hearts was so overwhelming! I reminded me of what it felt like when I first gave my heart to God, how happy I felt and how I wanted to tell everyone how good it feels to actually follow Christ. It was so cute listening to them say things like “It feels so good to be saved”, “I just want to go run around, I can’t sleep I’m too happy!”, “Jesus is so awesome” or “Yeah! Let’s start our life circles!” (Life circles are basically talking about what we learned that day, and what Jesus is showing us. In all my years of being at WLS I’ve never been with a group so excited to do them!)
Anyways, July is usually my favourite month of the whole year but I decided not to go on the OEW tour this summer and I thought it was going to be an easy choice; being able to see everyone, and then coming home after a week. But it wasn’t... It was actually so hard leaving and knowing that I’m settling for an O.K summer instead of being a life changer in Native America.
This morning I was still contemplating staying behind (I don’t know how possible that actually was but the thought was there the WHOLE week). Even though my heard broke this morning, I’m excited to hear how God is using the team in Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota this summer!
I walked into my room on Monday so unsure of what my roommates were going to be like but I’m sure God had that planned from the beginning and I’m so truly blessed that I was able to get to know these girls and be encouraged by them!
My roommates this week were a group of girls from Northern Ontario and to see God ignite their hearts was so overwhelming! I reminded me of what it felt like when I first gave my heart to God, how happy I felt and how I wanted to tell everyone how good it feels to actually follow Christ. It was so cute listening to them say things like “It feels so good to be saved”, “I just want to go run around, I can’t sleep I’m too happy!”, “Jesus is so awesome” or “Yeah! Let’s start our life circles!” (Life circles are basically talking about what we learned that day, and what Jesus is showing us. In all my years of being at WLS I’ve never been with a group so excited to do them!)
Anyways, July is usually my favourite month of the whole year but I decided not to go on the OEW tour this summer and I thought it was going to be an easy choice; being able to see everyone, and then coming home after a week. But it wasn’t... It was actually so hard leaving and knowing that I’m settling for an O.K summer instead of being a life changer in Native America.
This morning I was still contemplating staying behind (I don’t know how possible that actually was but the thought was there the WHOLE week). Even though my heard broke this morning, I’m excited to hear how God is using the team in Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota this summer!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Whats Next vs. What Now
"Instead of asking God 'What do you want me to do next', I should be asking Him 'What do you want me to do while i'm here right now'.
I get so caught up in "whats next" and "when?!" that I forget about right now. How do I make a lasting impact on peoples life at this very moment. I've grown accustom my life in missions that I forget that everyday is a new mission, the people I grew up knowing, the people I meet randomly; God loves them all and He's given me a story thats waiting to be told.
I know my heart is here for Native America, I know that one day I will be going to Alaska, and as much as I love On Eagles Wings team in the summer, I'll probably be here in Parry Sound/Muskoka. At first this was overwhelmingly scary to me, infact my heart broke a little! Being at home is never easy for me, I tend to feel alone and out of place, like I don't belong... It's on those moments that I begin to lose sight on "What God wants me to be doing right" and I start trying to figure out for myself "whats next".
Funny how I want to work with the First Nations here but I never feel "ready" or let the feelings of "being alone" take over and I actually close up, rather then allowing myself to be open to people I run into day-to-day.
Isn't satan sneaky? He takes good intentions and confuses what God has planned for my life and has me stop waiting on God and start planning for myself, so much so that I forget to ask God what I should be doing.
So God... This is me asking you... What now?
I get so caught up in "whats next" and "when?!" that I forget about right now. How do I make a lasting impact on peoples life at this very moment. I've grown accustom my life in missions that I forget that everyday is a new mission, the people I grew up knowing, the people I meet randomly; God loves them all and He's given me a story thats waiting to be told.
I know my heart is here for Native America, I know that one day I will be going to Alaska, and as much as I love On Eagles Wings team in the summer, I'll probably be here in Parry Sound/Muskoka. At first this was overwhelmingly scary to me, infact my heart broke a little! Being at home is never easy for me, I tend to feel alone and out of place, like I don't belong... It's on those moments that I begin to lose sight on "What God wants me to be doing right" and I start trying to figure out for myself "whats next".
Funny how I want to work with the First Nations here but I never feel "ready" or let the feelings of "being alone" take over and I actually close up, rather then allowing myself to be open to people I run into day-to-day.
Isn't satan sneaky? He takes good intentions and confuses what God has planned for my life and has me stop waiting on God and start planning for myself, so much so that I forget to ask God what I should be doing.
So God... This is me asking you... What now?
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Broken
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
My dear friend beka wrote and produced this short film, it really brought me to tears as I watched it this morning. She says "I am overwhelmed by the pain that i see, i see the tears of the oppressed and they have no comforter".
My dear friend beka wrote and produced this short film, it really brought me to tears as I watched it this morning. She says "I am overwhelmed by the pain that i see, i see the tears of the oppressed and they have no comforter".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)